4 Steps to Getting Unstuck!

B'SD

21 Cheshvan 5771


Pretty splashy image up there, huh? I hope to fill you with as much optimism as that picture implies.

Why?

Jews around the world are reflecting on the Jewish New Year season that passed last month. It seems that everybody else is looking forward to January, but all of us are worrying about the daunting lead-up to it: Thanksgiving season. Xmas parties. Kwaanza fests. Bills. More bills. Tempers. Fourth quarter reports. Bosses cut losses by firing staff. Fear. Panic.

Here's some nifty advice I found in a recent Psych Central Newsletter. I blended it in a way to help you more than the original presentation might:

Here are 4 steps to get unstuck:

Name the stuckness – In other words, simply say to yourself, this is the feeling of being stuck

Find the physical sensation – Take a brief scan of your body and become aware of where you notice the greatest sensation. Get a sense of how large it is, it’s shape, does it have a color? Get curious about it. Getting curious helps us break outside of the box.

See choices – Ask yourself the question, is there another way I can see the situation I’m in? What choices do I have here? See if you can do this without judgment, more as a brainstorm.

If your marriage is taking a beating from you and/or your spouse's reactions to life's little and major stresses, read How to Beat the Odds: Tips from the Very Married.

Take action – Put one foot in front of the other and begin engaging in one of those choices.

Even if the choice doesn’t stick at first, know that this practice in itself is training your mind to get unstuck from the cycles it gets caught in. When you notice yourself wandering into past habitual ways of being, know that is expected and just gently guide yourself back.

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Face Your Medical Problems with Dignity.
Face Your Future with Optimism.

Integrity. SEX. And YOU.

17 Shvat 5768

Integrity. That word occupies the titles of my two novels. The concept drives my life.

Humanity has a visceral need for privacy, honesty, compassion and for being trustworthy: fundamental decency. They keep us safe.

There is no need to surrender our nobler values and our sense of personal worth in order to have a "better" life. Mental health rests upon and is sustained by good character traits. Friendships, family, employment and all relationships go better with fine character and excellent behavior.

Good character traits result in the positive way others perceive us. We are regarded as "likable, friendly, loyal, fair," et cetera. We are left with a sense of enduring happiness, pride in who we are. Everyone concerned shares MUTUAL RESPECT.

Want to be such a person? Are you troubled by someone pressuring you to behave in ways that make you nervous? Need a way to get out of your situation?

I'm posting today's message due to danger signs in the social and mental health worlds. As cell phones seduce us to discuss private matters in public, as Internet sites beg us to surrender our very identities to strangers of unknown moral standards, and as peer pressure mounts to "Hook Up" with some momentarily sexy oddball, the numbers of emotionally distraught men, women and teens in medical and mental health offices are SKYROCKETING!!!

Murders AND SUICIDES are happening to unsuspecting, defenseless sex partners who "Hooked Up" after being manipulated by scoundels.

Folks, sex is for loving,

permanent relationships called MARRIAGE.

Yes sex feels wonderful. It's supposed to. It's some of the glue that bonds loving individuals together.

The rest of that glue is made of shared values, exclusivity with the one sex partner who appreciates your personal worth so much that they committed a lifetime to you with MARRIAGE. And the rest of that glue is an enduring devotion to and by your spouse PLUS unconditional love for your children.

But the "Hooking Up" phenom is swallowing whole lives. It is a disastrous trend. The creeps pressuring you for meaningless sex are sickos. You are not a sicko. You do not have to become someone's victim. You will be a decent human being by REJECTING the idea that indiscriminate sex makes you "normal."

I hope to ease the nightmare filling, and threatening to fill, so many lives.

Please read these items for emotional relief. The concepts can fill you with courage to restrict your sexual activity to your marriage partner. Learn how to walk away from meaningless encounters before they begin to ruin the rest of your life:

Website articles UNPROTECTED,

Sex, Sadness, and the City by Wendy Shalit, City Journal Autumn 1999,

DYING FOR SEX

Modestly Yours: Wendy Shalit,

Lazer Beams: Child Abuse: The Worst Sin

and "Romantically Perplexed," a book I edited a few years ago. The author is Dr. Lisa Aiken:

UPDATE: If you or someone you know has a problem with pornography, click here for help to overcome it: Overcome Addiction to Pornography

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More than 1160 votes of praise have been made for my book since December 2 2007, when the Musella Foundation for Brain Tumor Research declared It’s MY Crisis to be “Recommended Reading.” You can vote for It's MY Crisis! And I’ll Cry if I Need To on the Musella site daily. Once you’ve read It’s MY Crisis! And I’ll Cry if I Need To, vote for it at http://www.virtualtrials.com/books.cfm. I hope you choose a 9 or a 10.

Yojeved Golani
Coping with a Medical Crisis?
Make the Changes You Need in Your Life.