Why Caregivrs NEED to Close their Mouths - Part 4 of Talk About Your Medicines month

B'SD

28 Tishrei, 5775

The first month of the new Jewish year is almost over. Thousands of people worldwide resolved to improve their mindsets, behaviors and more.

More people will be doing that as January approaches!

But gosh it's hard to keep up the momentum, over time. So, I'll share a charming idea with you. It's the motto of one of my friends, and she's rather spectacular in her dealings with the wider world.

Be the type of person you want to meet.

Nice, huh?

As you work on bettering your very self, here are some tips for protecting yourself and the person you're caring for, from accidental medical harm, Part 4 of this week's Talk About Your Medicines month series (yes, I highlighted text about medication again so you can locate it easily):

Listen to the Person Before You - Lessons for Caregivers

I'm going to address a troubling problem for ill people: rude and cruel caregivers who pay little, if any, attention to the patient’s remarks. I've witnessed this maddening glitch first-hand as a witness to, and as the victim of, someone's failure to listen.

Many caregivers insist that they are noble, correct and in charge when caring for patients be they friends, relatives or clients. HOWEVER... here's how the conversations between some caregivers and the people they're allegedly caring for tend to go (fill in the blanks as appropriate.):

"I know what you need..."

"I want to..."

"Stop talking. Listen to me; I know what's best for you..."

"I'm going to... Now just stop that and let me..."

"I don't want to hear you say 'I can't.' Would you just let me...?"

Did you hear the sick person above the din? Me neither. And far too often that silence leads to a deteriorating patient who's already ill, and an increasingly strained relationship.

The name of the problem is "Inflated Ego." Or what is sometimes called "I Disease." The caregiver is bossing around the ill person, issuing this barrage of "I, I, I, I," messages while genuine medical needs go unmet. This is not a healthy situation. So, I'm providing a reality alert: The caregiver is NOT the most important person in this scene. The patient is the VIP (Very Important Person) here!

Here's the information that's being drowned out, along with the despairing person who needs medical help:

"That's the wrong medication/food you're giving me."

"You're hurting me when you move me around so hard. I'm not a rock."

"You're still holding the wrong medication/food."

"The doctor said not to do it like that. You're supposed to read the directions."

"You bet I'm upset! Please stop talking/shouting/screaming over me and listen. Just listen!"

***

Ready to close your mouths and find out how to solve the problem? Great! Hold that pose while the ill person in your care expresses their concerns. Next, wait for him or her to ask you to explain what you heard and understood. Only then may you speak. Get it? Conversation is an interactive activity.

When you enter the ill person's room, do not start talking. Smile. Observe the scene: does the ill person seem tired/rested/content/upset/warm/cold/in or out of pain?

Ask the patient these questions, one at a time: "How are you?" and "Did anything change since we last spoke?" "Please tell me if you want something." Then LISTEN without interrupting as the person responds to you, one question at a time.

Do not treat sick people as fools. Do not threaten them. Do not speak in a condescending manner to people who are sick. You might be dealing with neurological or physiological changes that the patient(s) cannot control. This is not a matter of patient willpower, this is a medical reality. You might not realize the level of physical or emotional pain you're unnecessarily causing to that person. You just might damage someone's already fragile health by using the wrong medicine, medical appliance or food item, let alone the wrong attitude.

Ordering ill people to "Snap out of it! Stop acting sad and sick" is cruel. Behave respectfully or have someone else perform the personal care. Your change in behavior just might improve someone's quality of life. Prevent unwarranted suffering. Remember: communication is supposed to be fair and productive. Good communication ends in relief.

One more item on this sensitive subject: study the sick person's behavior and body when hired help is providing medical care. Elder abuse and other abuses in the medical world exist. Prevent and end them by practicing good sense. Listen with your ears, eyes and heart.

Here’s a handy list of caregiver tips, developed from my personal experience and that of some of my Self-Help Coaching clients:

·         Make a chart of all medications used by the loved one you’re helping. Tactfully help him or her to remember to take those medicines.

·         Ask everyone who enters the patient’s room if they have washed their hands. "No" and silence are NOT acceptable responses.

·         Ask nurses to read drug orders out loud and match them to the patient’s arm bracelet BEFORE giving something to the patient.

·         Bring easily portable stuff on visits: a deck of cards, iPODs or other devices for playing music, or something else that the patient enjoys. Coax the patient to use his or her brain.

·         Keep a little notebook with your observations so you can discuss your concerns with medical staff, family and friends in a productive NOT GOSSIPY manner. Write the notes discreetly. Trust me, sick people notice things. And we tend to be easily upset.

·         NEVER give a patient medication without proper supervision.

·         Don’t help the patient in and out of bed unless the medical staff trained you to do this safely.

·         Help the sick person to escape the confines of being ill. A car ride, a day in the park or gentle beach, perhaps a shopping center with comfortable seating areas, a family event, are just some ideas for trips. Cabin fever can slow down recovery and coping processes. Changes in scenery can work wonders.

·         Cheerfully help with housework: cooking, cleaning, child care, lawn care, etc. Find out if meals can be safely made by other people.

·         Allow the person to speak about their medical/emotional crisis. The release leads to perspective, emotional relief and healing. In mental circles, this is called "venting" and wow it's a great help!

·         Chat with the patient about life. Your work, news headlines, funny incidents, something other than illness.

·         Forgive the person for saying or doing something unusual. Some medications affect behavior and memory, let alone body functions. Thinking clearly might be a struggle for someone coming out of anesthesia or taking medications. The challenging medical situation is a hard thing to manage on its own.

·         Bite your lips! Don’t focus on what your loved one can or cannot do. Infantilizing a person facing a medical or emotional crisis is cruel and harmful. DO FOCUS on what the person can do and intends to do. Meeting goals, and trying to do so, is strengthening in many ways.

·         Assist the person in your care when they’re taking medication. Wipe lips as necessary, and with a gentle touch. Remember also, that eyesight might be affected. He or she I might not be able to read the small print on the bottle.

·         Be gracious about sleeping problems. A person facing illness could have difficulty sleeping. Gently and firmly explore what will help the person to relax, to enjoy restful, restorative sleep.

·         Empower the patient. Let him or her make choices, use the television remote and anything else they’d like to do within reason. Offer to help the person to create a list of goals on a paper or a poster-board they can more easily read. Check off accomplishments and celebrate them.

·         Have patience. Be respectful. Know that you cannot possibly understand the illness experience from the patient’s perspective. Some things are hard to convey. Practice a compassionate pose on your facial muscles. Use it often. 

Yes, it's all about "Be the type of person you want to meet."

By the way, have you noticed that The American Recall Center, which promotes the Talk About Your Medicines month blogging effort, is concerned about the drug Xarelto, "... a medication used to prevent stroke and blood clots that has recently shown to cause internal bleeding?"

Click the title at the end of this sentence to buy the E-book or print edition of EMPOWER Yourself to Cope with a Medical Challenge.  

Face Your Medical Problems with Dignity. Face Your Future with Optimism. 

Fill your future, and everyone's, with more compassion. And better manners.

 

Medication Safety: Part 3 of "Talk About Your Medicines" month

B'SD

27 Tishrei, 5775

Please let me know your thoughts about the series of medicinal posts this week.

Here's Part 3. Specfic references to medication are highlighted in purple so you can find them fast:

Take a Breath and Review Some Important Points

You've been doing some hard work. I congratulate you for the effort you've invested in saving a precious life. Now I ask that you take a deep breath. It will clear your mind a bit, I hope, and let you review some important points as well as you can.

Among the positive actions you and I are focusing on is protection of your or your loved one's interests. You are learning to guard your physical, emotional and spiritual health or that of your loved one as you make your way past a medical diagnosis and crisis situation.

The most important actions that you must take to preserve your body and mind are threefold:

1.   To do whatever makes you healthier than you are now.

2.   To maintain the most optimal health you can have at any point in time during your medical adventure.

3.   To do what you can to prevent your situation from becoming worse.

At each juncture in this workbook, I invite you to create or to use your own initiatives. Empowerment is the complete opposite of a crisis situation. You can take as much control as humanly available to you in this medical crisis. You will manage it better with every try.

Three Easy-to-remember Things You Can Do to Preserve Your Health:

One: Trust your instincts. Your gut knows what is right and wrong for you.

Two: Follow up all doctor visits with questions if you have any and get all test results in writing. Knowledge equals decision-making ability.

Three: YOU ARE YOUR OWN BEST ADVOCATE. It also doesn't hurt to have someone in your corner. If you are too shy to ask questions or to challenge medical conclusions, an informed, assertive friend or relative can get the job done for you. Be the Chief Executive Officer of your life and delegate responsibility within reason.

The words that follow are many, but they present an important point for you the reader, your loved ones plus the medical staff addressing your medical issues:

When a person already taking medication(s) is admitted to a hospital or outpatient clinic, they usually receive new medications or changes are made to the medication they've been taking all along. That can present some serious health problems for people with drug sensitivities. They might become sicker or their medical problem will not be adequately addressed while they're in the hospital or clinic.

Hospital-based staff members are not mind-readers. Worse, they tend to be crushed by heavy schedules and excessive responsibilities. They can't easily access every - or any - patients' complete medication lists. Communication lines might falter or not even attempted. Medical professionals down the line aren't always able to know of recent medication changes. As a result, the new medication regimen being prescribed during the hospital or clinic stay, then at the time of discharge could 1) Omit necessary medications, 2) Add too many drugs treating the same problem, 3) Cause physical harm or 4) Hold incorrect dosages that simply do not help the patient.

Sometimes the situation happens in front of you the patient as you scream, beg and plead in vain for someone to pay attention and to prescribe the medication you need versus the stuff they want to ply on you.

The patient and the medical staff share a problem called "A need for medication reconciliation." How that is to be accomplished is one serious matter. I've resolved it live on the spot for a few people.

If you are facing the problem, you need to alert all medical personnel of the issues affecting your health. But what if relevant people aren't paying attention to you the patient, or to your loved ones demanding better care? See the LISTEN to the Person Before You: Lessons for Caregivers section in this book. You can print it out, along with this page, and give copies to nursing supervisors, the head of the medical department treating you and anyone else you deem appropriate. 

Here are a few more suggestions: Print out the "Don't Tell Me You 'Understand'" poem on page 7 and hang it over your hospital bed. Practice more patient-protecting ideas. Delegate authority and have loved ones or friend present facts to relevant medical personnel. Learn how to successfully advocate for yourself in dire medical straits. Practice until you get it right.

If the medical personnel before you are rude (be sure that you remain polite 24/7!), here are a few practical suggestions for ending accusations, sarcasm and other negative things hampering good communications:

Respond to a provocative, perhaps false or misleading statement by saying “That's interesting… tell me more.” If things do not improve, ask “Why would you say that?” or “Why would you ask that?” and “Why would you do that?” If at any point you’ve heard inappropriate remarks made to or about you, a neutral-sounding “Oh” just might quell the nastiness coming your way.

Seek out a hospital social worker or ombudsman/ombudswoman if necessary. It’s their job to mediate difficulties and to resolve them to the patient’s satisfaction.

One more thing: Know why you take prescriptions medications. Here are some questions to ask your doctors and nurses when they give or prescribe medication (cremes, pills, powders and all kinds of potions) to you:

WHAT is this medication for and what does it do?

HOW should I use it and what can happen if I don’t use this medication?

WHEN/How soon should I expect this medication to work for me?

WHAT should I do if I have a problem with this medication?

Can I safely take this medication with all my other medications and the foods I eat? Even with my vitamins?

The reason is this: You need information so that you keep making safe decisions with your healthcare. You might know of a valid personal reason for not using a specific medication (drug sensitivities, expenses involved etc.). Alert your medical team members of your concerns and ask all the questions you wish until you're sure you know why you have to use a specific drug, and how to use it safely. Take notes so you can remember necessary information. Feeling rushed, scared, tired or embarrassed can make you forgetful. So can the average day filled with other details.

Avoid harming yourself due to mistakes that can be avoided.Some medications should be used on empty stomachs, others only with meals. Some creams and oils stain clothing or skin. Perhaps you should not expose yourself to sunshine while using specific drugs. Drowsiness might make using certain machines (cars, trucks) dangerous. Be aware of what is involved. Get the facts straight and take notes so you can remember necessary information. Normal people tend to forget details. Notes help you to remember them.

You need realistic expectations of your medical treatments. Know up front if you must be patient for specific effects to occur. Side effects can be surprising but not dangerous. Some can kill. Be alert to the need to reach an emergency room if your medicine makes you worse off than before. Take notes so you can remember necessary information

Some foods, such as dairy items, can limit the effects of specific drugs. Vitamin supplements might not be compatible with certain drugs. Clarify the dietary guidelines. Take notes on answers to all your questions. As a matter of fact, list all your medications in a handy notebook you can study in once glance. That can save you time, money, fear and heartache.

Click on the title at the end of this sentence, or the book cover above, to buy the E-book or print edition of EMPOWER Yourself to Cope with a Medical Challenge. 

Face Your Medical Problems with Dignity. Face Your Future with Optimism. 

Figure out what you need to do to promote your health.