Want to Know What to Say to Rude Visitors, Relatives and Former Friends?

B'SD

13 Sivan 5771

Have you ever wondered why someone
chafes at your comments
when you try to comfort them?

Have you ever boiled with anger
at someone's tactless remarks
when they spoke to you or about
your medical situation?

There's an art in knowing
what to say and when
during time shared with
someone who's sick,
recovering or facing disabilities.

It can be learned.
It is based on mutual respect.

The New York Times has an insightful "What to Say to Someone Who's Sick" article that I recommend you read. The only thing missing from it is what to say to rude visitors, relatives and former friends who just don't catch on to polite behavior around someone who's ill.

The good news is that you can find some responses that medical and mental health professionals endorse in "EMPOWER Yourself to Cope with a Medical Challenge." The "Power to the Patient" preface guides you in what to say to clueless people.

Sometimes, apparently clueless people are actually out to hurt your feelings (there are too many reasons to count for the behavior on this blog). They imply that you're not doing enough, good enough, fill in the blank. Know that the insults are one-upping events. The speakers insinuate that they're better than you. Pages 4-7 offer STOPYACOLD responses to the nonsense. The License to Cry is worth a lifetime of emotional relief.

Share those passages, and others if you wish, with loved ones - even your medical team if the staff is agreeable.

Restore your self-respect. Know what to say to people hurting your feelings, and when. EMPOWER Yourself to Cope with a Medical Challenge. Medical and mental health professionals recommend it.

Face Your Medical Problems with Dignity.
Face Your Future with Optimism.

Mastering Your Emotions

15 Kislev 5768

The holiday season is a contradiction in terms for people suffering from physical or emotional illness, and for people suffering with them. It's also a bummer for people who are lonely at this time of year. Today's post is dedicated to all of you. I hope it heals some of your pain.

What happens when someone isn't willing to try hard to get better from a serious illness? You know the dreary drill: they won’t do the hard work for medical treatment or for physical therapy, nor for developing emotional coping techniques. Maybe they already decided not to even to recover from the illness.

That stubbornness is a cry of pain: the suffering person wants to avoid additional pain. Unfortunately, that stubborn reaction causes far worse consequences.

The sick person becomes emotionally worse off and maybe sicker. Failing to make emotional or physical efforts to get better can cause things go from bad to worse.
The medical world, loved ones and friends are then up against an Irresistible Force (the illness) and an Immovable Object (the patient).

Being and feeling sick, and being unable to do what you want to do, are downers. Painful exercises that improve the strength of your back, your limbs or your internal organs hurt. So do many medical treatments. You'd rather go to a movie, to a sports game, or to just feel better.

You want this medical problem to magically disappear.

It won't. Refusing to cope causes a downward spiral of ever-new complications. That's why I tell my Self-Help Coaching clients and other listeners that “The alternative to coping is worse.”

Face a painful future by forcing yourself to tackle one task at a time. Be willing to at least think, to consider alternatives to fear and to your refusal to cooperate with people trying to help. Agree to try one new thing at a time. Go from the easiest job to successively harder jobs over time. Give yourself a chance to catch your breath and to adjust your maturing perspective on life. Focus! Focus on the healing and coping processes.

Watch this video about facing tough choices. It's a great uplift for anyone who feels lonely, sad or disappointed at this time of year (or any time of year, day, hour, you name it!). A couple of laughs won't hurt you and these giggles might even help ;^ )

The Lighter Side of Stimulus and Response



Culture Tip/Glossary: The English-speaking guy in the video uses a Yiddish word (Daven = Pray) and a Hebrew word (Kavanah = Focus, concentration).

Ahhh, your head and heart are warming up. You’re starting to focus on coping, not on the lousy alternative. Woo hoo! (Thanks Ben Goldfarb, Life Coach and contributor to Jerusalem Post newspaper http://www.jpost.com/ plus Arutz 7 news http://www.israelnn.com/).

Spread more cheer during the holiday season. Buy It's MY Crisis! And I’ll Cry if I Need To. Click http://www.booklocker.com/books/3067.html

Order it in book stores if it’s not on the shelves. It's MY Crisis! And I’ll Cry if I Need To can be shipped worldwide. Specialty editions are available for large organizations.

Booksellers, save on large quantities of It's MY Crisis!
https://secure.booklocker.com/booklocker/wholesale/order.php

To your good health,

Yocheved Golani
Coping with a Medical Crisis?
Make the Changes You Need in Your Life.