What's the Compassionate Way to Share Bad News?

B'SD

23 Tevet, 5775

Emotions tend to rocket all around our hearts and minds when we face the medical and/or emotional/mental health news that nobody wants to hear.

I've addressed the cruelty of spiritual one-upsmanship before. That's when people tell us we have no right to cry or to feel fearful because "GOD only gives us what we can handle."

I've also addressed ideal responses to such heartlessness.

What I've never addressed on this blog, or in

is the medical practitioner's difficulty 

in delivering bad news.

I've thought about it a lot. Years later, I struggle to recall the exact words of the neurosurgeon who first gave me hope that I'd live past the problem that other medical professionals had caused by failing to address that long-ago (now gone!) meningioma.

I definitely remember, though, the choices I made about how to behave under the dire circumstances. The prognosis for my surgical outcome was not good, to say the least.

The bigger problem remains though. How can anyone compassionately inform a person of their pending death or dire diagnosis? 

Life experience and psychological teachings indicate that starting gently, slowly, and allowing the listener to make necessary connections as the speaker continues to state facts, is one approach.

Promoting optimism, an embrace  of the situation, and thereby empowering the affected person(s) to decide how they'll deal with the situation is another way to face dire situations.

There is room for so much more compassionate behavior under the worst of circumstances.

Let's look at the

How do you tell someone they’re dying?

question together.

I recommend that you click on the links at that site, and keep reading.

I welcome your responses to the essays.


 
Strengthen yourself, your loved ones, and your medical team. Share the E-book or print edition of EMPOWER Yourself to Cope with a Medical Challenge. 

   

Face Your Medical Problems with Dignity. Face Your Future with Optimism.

Fill in the blanks of your emotional life, or someone else's, with compassion.

Calm Mindsets to Help Humanity

B'SD

13 Tishrei, 5774

I held off at making yesterday's blogpost go "live" due to unfolding events in the DC Navy Yard horror.

As it was, I was grieving the death of a dear man, a model of what GOD wants humanity to be: Simply good. The chief rabbi of Bet Shemesh had died early in the morning, after a horrific and valiant fight against a relentless disease process. He was so beloved by a wide cross-section of people, and still is. 

We had spoken with each other about healing modalities, and had shared lovely conversations and experiences in the past. GOD had a plan for how things would go.

I can only guess that as a man of peace, shalom, the rabbi is blessed with complete shalom in heaven. He died just before Sukkot begins. It's a time when we invite saintly figures to our huts, which symbolize GOD's mercy, and strive to emulate their qualities.

The Jewish world begins a week-long celebration of Sukkot (Tabernacles or Feast of Booths) on Wednesday night.  

The video below is of a classic Israeli song. It bespeaks the charming, peaceful demeanor and mindset of the deceased rabbi and the Sukkot holiday. You can read the lyrics translated into English at the bottom of the video.

At this point, while I reflect on yet another headline horror that ended some lives and pained others, I want to ask that you do what you can to promote mental health in your immediate world, and the wider world if possible. 

Suffering caused by one person's misery inflicted on innocent, defenseless others, is something worth preventing.

Calm mindsets help humanity.

Learn of mental health resources in the E-book or print edition of EMPOWER Yourself to Cope with a Medical Challenge.  

Face Your Medical Problems with Dignity. Face Your Future with Optimism.

Focus on bettering yourself and society.


 

What to do When Loved Ones are Far from You in Times of Distress

B'SD

8 Tamuz, 5773 

A friend of mine is in the emotionally trying situation of being abroad as her siblings prepare for their mom's unexpected funeral. 

She needed a bit of guidance about how to deal with the "Not quite this or that, not exactly here or there" paradox.  

Her predicament is similar to that of men and women in the Orthodox Jewish world who modestly refrain from touching people of the other gender if they are not parents, children or siblings - even during times of distress.

Here's what I shared with her. 
You can use the suggestion, too:

"When I deal with coaching clients not in a position to hug people of the other gender or because of distance, I suggest that they adopt a word or short phrase to use in such instances. The Kennedy family is famous for its "coo" in times of distress. You can see it working to calm the relatives in rare footage of their private lives. Some people use amusing sounds.

"Verbal hugs help when physical hugs aren't an option.

"The coo or other sound/short phrase can be used again and again in times of distress. It's a form of shorthand that captures agreed-upon emotions and supportive responses to them. It can be quite soothing when you're near or far from each other."

Let me know your ideas about that, in the comments section. I look forward to hearing from you. 

A medical or emotional crisis - you'd cry too, if it happened to you. 

Use your tissues and handkerchiefs with my blessings borne of experience. GOD gives you Permission to Weep. 

You can say that to any critics after explaining that "It's MY Crisis! And I'll Cry if I Need To." With a prearranged signal you share with your loved ones. 

It might even be a phrase or chapter in 

 
Buy the E-book or print edition today to EMPOWER Yourself to Cope with a Medical (or emotional) Challenge. 

Face Your Medical - and Emotional - Problems with Dignity. Face Your Future with Optimism. 

Free your heart and soul from limitation.


 

How to Take the Chance Before You

B'SD

7 Cheshvan, 5773

Last night I was in on a training session for paraprofessionals helping chronically and/or terminally ill people to face their situations with dignity and compassion. 

The group leader reminded us of a wonderful song by Tim McGraw, Live Like You Were Dying. It teaches us to take the chance before us, not to let it go neglected.

 Here are the lyrics/words to the song: 

He said "I was in my early forties 

With a lot of life before me 

And a moment came that 

stopped me on a dime 

I spent most of the next days 

Looking at the x-rays 

Talkin' 'bout the options 

And talkin' 'bout sweet time" 

I asked him "When it sank in 

 That this might really be 

the real end 

How's it hit you 

When you get 

that kind of news? 

Man, what'd you do?"

He said "I went skydiving 

I went Rocky Mountain climbing 

I went 2.7 seconds on a bull 

named Fu Man Chu 

And I loved deeper 

And I spoke sweeter 

And I gave forgiveness 

I'd been denying" 

And he said "Someday I hope you 

get the chance 

To live like you were dying" 

 He said "I was finally the husband 

That most of the time I wasn't 

And I became a friend a 

friend would like to have 

And all of a sudden going fishin' 

Wasn't such an imposition 

And I went three times 

that year I lost my dad 

I finally read the Good Book, and 

I Took a good, long, hard look 

At what I'd do if 

I could do it all again

And then I went skydiving 

I went Rocky Mountain climbing 

I went 2.7 seconds on a bull 

named Blue Manchu 

And I loved deeper 

 And I spoke sweeter 

And I gave forgiveness 

I'd been denying" 

And he said "Someday I hope 

you get the chance 

To live like you were dying 

Like tomorrow was a gift 

And you've got eternity 

To think about 

What you'd do with it 

What could you do with it 

What did I do with it? 

What would I do with it? 

 Skydiving 

I went Rocky mountain climbing 

I went 2.7 seconds on a bull 

named Blue Manchu 

And I loved deeper 

And I spoke sweeter 

And I watched an eagle 

as it was flying" 

And he said "Someday I hope 

you get the chance 

To live like you were dying 

To live like you were dying 

To live like you were dying..."

 
Thought-provoking stuff, eh?

Buy the E-book or print edition today for a look at what you can do despite, and because of, your diagnosis. Click on the words EMPOWER Yourself to Cope with a Medical Challenge.  

The book will soon go out of print so I can have a clear conscience while completing the 3rd, updated edition. It will hold even more Global Resources and more tips about coping with your medical and/or mental health situation.

Face Your Medical Problems with Dignity. 
Face Your Future with Optimism.