Your Tendencies are NOT a Life Sentence

B'SD

18 Elul, 5778

One of the dominant themes of the EMPOWER Yourself to Cope with a Medical Challenge print and E- book is that you need not be locked into a psychological limitation. People are able to choose their attitudes and perspectives, even to get their grins back (my goal in helping you!) despite painful setbacks and situations.

I use the empowerment/ability to choose a new way of thinking and behaving model when I coach people, too.

Listen to the intention embedded in my response below. It was directed to someone who decided that she cannot behave in any manner other than the one to which she's psychologically inclined according to the Enneagram (a system for gaining insight into our instincts, motives, preferences, strengths, and weaknesses, plus those of other people):

"Being a specific number is not a life sentence. Some of us grow up. It is a matter of mastering the insights into our personalities, developing the character/maturity to stifle impulses so that we don't sabotage our self interests, and choosing to remain in the ideal level. It takes work and practice plus a sense of commitment. The Enneagram is a tool for growth, not an excuse for remaining stuck."

Everything that I do in life involves making a choice that will serve my needs, including my physical and mental health. All of us need to do that. It's called "maturity."





Smile as you and whomever you share the book with grow insightful and emotionally stronger together. 

Nurture the development of your insights into the gamut of emotions when someone is ill. 

Learn how to calm down and to stay that way longer than before. 

Solve financial problems by reading the contact information for charitable organizations willing to pay some or all of your specific medical expenses.

Buy the E-book or print edition of EMPOWER Yourself to Cope with a Medical Challenge. 

Face Your Medical Problems with Dignity. Face Your Future with Optimism.

Fill your mind and behavior with wise choices that leave you proud of yourself. Grow.

Acknowledge the Rage BUT Cease to Engage

B'SD

11 Shvat 5770



Both "It's MY Crisis!" books address mounting anger at the delays, mixups, pain and fear associated with illness. The manuscripts offer strategies for potential solutions that prevent, lessen and/or cure frustrating situations.

I recently came across an essay about how best to respond to irritating problems. Written by biz guru Seth Godin, it' so on the mark that I choose to share it with you:


---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Seth Godin blogmailfromseth@yahoo.com
Date: Sat, Jan 23, 2010 at 1:25 PM
Subject: Seth's Blog : The false solace of vilification
To:
[You're getting this note because you subscribed to Seth Godin's blog.]

The false solace of vilification

File this one under basic human emotions that marketers need to be aware of.

When a global slowdown, national tragedy or random event hits, people look for someone to blame. If there's no one to blame, sometimes they look for someone to hate, even if it is ultimately self-destructive.

A novice computer user downloads viruses, interacts with spyware and encounters a system crash. He calls tech support for the word processor he uses and lets them have it with both barrels.

A flood hits a town and innocent people die and buildings are destroyed. The widows and bereaved families take it out on the insurance adjuster or government official who has come to help.

The economic downturn hits a town hard and some residents attack, quite personally, the hard-working school board members who had nothing to do with the bad news and in fact represent one of the best ways to ultimately recover.

In each case, the person being hated on is precisely the person who can do the most to help. And yet sometimes, we can't help ourselves. It takes significant emotional maturity to separate the event from the people in proximity to the event, and any marketer or organization that deals with the public needs to embrace the fact that just because you're close to where the bad thing happened doesn't mean it's your fault.

That software tech rep, the one who didn't cause your viruses, she's the very best person to calmly explain how to get rid of them.

That insurance adjuster might be able to get you some money to help you start to rebuild your life.

And the school board? Well if the only asset of value you still own is your house, destroying the school that gives your house its true value to a buyer seems like a version of cutting off your nose to spite your face.

I've never once heard someone say, "things are really lousy, but I got a chance to really devastate someone today, deliver some choice barbs, some personal attacks, some baseless innuendo and ruin their day, perhaps even their career. Boy, I feel great."

People don't remember how you behave when everything is going great. They remember how you behave when you're under pressure, stressed out and at wits end.

Emotional maturity is underrated.

PS when confronted with misplaced rage, the proper response is not to point out the misplaced part. It's to acknowledge the rage part. One big reason that vilification occurs is that the angry person feels as though not attention or sympathy is being paid.

The long term solution for marketers (and those that believe in civil society) is to make it socially unacceptable to vent like this. Acknowledge the rage but cease to engage, whenever possible."

Rage can't help you. Insulting people is not a helpful tactic. Engage your better self when you take on your medical and emotional issues, one item at a time. EMPOWER Yourself to Cope with a Medical Challenge.

Yocheved Golani
Coping with a Medical Crisis?
Make the Changes You Need in Your Life