Reaching Your Own Level of Remarkable Resilience

B'SD

2 Elul, 5775

The Jewish year is ending with the month of Elul. It's a time for introspection.

This article addresses the topic of remarkable resilience to suffering. The words "resilience and recovery do not require extraordinary resources or an innate toughness, but rather a willingness to adapt to circumstances" strike me as profound.

The secrets of extreme survivors

Why some people are more resilient to trauma

FUTURE

Need to learn how to reframe your agony so you can go forward? Read Refining Silver in  the E-book or print edition of EMPOWER Yourself to Cope with a Medical Challenge. 

Mental health professionals 

recommend the book.

Face Your Medical Problems with Dignity. Face Your Future with Optimism.

Fill your life with meaning that motivates you to be at peace with the past.

How to Stop a Pedophile

B'SD

28 Shvat, 5774

Sexual molestation of children is a soul-ripping hell.

The defenseless victims are often too young or too much in shock and horror to find the words that explain what was done to them. 

Caring, compassionate adults are morally obligated to protect children from sex predators and anyone who wants to harm them. The predators can be male or female, relatives, teachers, camp counselors, youth group leaders, neighbors and anybody else. 

Those same compassionate adults are morally obligated to provide the child ith effective therapy for getting past the trauma, perhaps several sexual molestation traumas.

I began to report about innovative programs to help the victims of child molesters and programs to prevent molesters from hurting more people back in 1996, when Nefesh Israel (www.nefesh.org) launched such activities.

I attended a relevant program last week: 

Tzedek-Tzedek

"Justice Justice Shall You Pursue!"

Friday, 17 January 2014

"Who Are The People in Our Neighborhood?" - Dr David Pelcovitz - Monday 20th January

I'd like to share an E-mail exchange between me and Dr Pelcovitz. It can educate you:

"If I recall correctly Dr Pelcovitz, you explained that interviewed perverts rationalize that their young victims are too young to remember the abuse foisted on them. 

I find that lie easy to expose: Do the perverts recall when they were first, or ever, molested? Yes, they do. Those memories are intact. 

Why not confront them with their lie? If they've been confronted with the inconsistency, do they re-rationalize their behavior? What is the lesson for society, in 50 words or less?

I request that you provide your listeners with

1) Handouts describing the body language and personality characteristics of perverts

2) Please remind me of the researcher who discovered that fMRIs reveal the shutdown of language centers during sexual and other trauma. I suspect that the reality could force a change in halacha regarding victims who do not scream for help.

I'm hoping you recall that I wrote about your groundbreaking work for the Jewish - and wider - communities in The Jewish Press, back in 1996 or so, when Nefesh Israel held its kenes (YG: convention) in Baltimore. I believe the event was labeled 'Shhh... It's Not a Secret Anymore.'" 

Dr Pelcovitz quickly replied , "I couldn't agree more. We do confront them.  That is the essence of their problem and the nature of that component of therapy.- they lie to themselves and it's the job of the therapist to uncover this and challenge them. 

Handouts are a good idea for future programs. The researcher I was referring to is Dr Bessel van der Kolk."

Readers, I recommend that you see a most appropriate definition of sexual abuse by Israel's Takana organization, at http://takana.org.il/en/defining-sexual-abuse/.

The home page of Takana is http://takana.org.il/en/.

The organization helps people 

of all ages and

offers 

educational materials 

for use in schools, camps 

and youth groups. 

Ask for them.

The site is available in Hebrew at http://takana.org.il/.

Need to know how to heal from other kinds of physical, emotional, or mental health issues?

Buy the E-book or print edition of 

EMPOWER Yourself to Cope with a Medical (and/or mental health) Challenge.  

Face Your Medical Problems with Dignity. Face Your Future with Optimism. 

Face frightening realities with sound mental health therapies.

 

Violence Against Women is a Man's Issue!

B'SD

21 Sivan, 5773

From time to time I've dealt with abuse issues as a former Health Information Management professional, as a friend, neighbor, writer or researcher, and as an individual eager to facilitate the end of any form of abuse. I've even blogged about the topic.

TEDTalks recently posted this phenomenal look at the troubling issue of male violence against women - and  children - with a most sensible technique for ending the horror! Listen in:

 

Listen to what Sir Patrick Stewart
aka Captain Picard,
has done to end violence against women.


 


Males who abuse women - and children - can fill some occupations that would surprise you.

holds the caveat to end relationships with "therapists" or clergy who fail to display total respect for your dignity and safety. It is my effort to prevent abusive events, to protect vulnerable people from predators.

Buy the E-book or print edition of EMPOWER Yourself to Cope with a Medical Challenge. Use it to protect your physical, emotional and medical welfare.

Face Your Medical Problems with Dignity. Face Your Future with Optimism. 

Face facts: Men owe it the rest of humanity to end abuse upon anyone, including females, other men, and children.


 

Pedophilia Is EVERYONE's Problem!

B'SD


16 Kislev 5772




I'm sad to let you know that I've been contacted by frightened, unhappy people many times in recent days. Each of them has been affected by or is concerned about pedophilia, the sexual abuse of children.

Sex abuse is no stranger to the adult world, either.

I urge victims of sexual assaults to benefit from counseling and/or EFT, Emotional Freedom Techniques. It is a simple matter of reciting specific phrases and performing simply gestures that can literally rewire your brain for emotional recovery. A certified EFT professional can guide your efforts.


Please re-read my old blogpost on the topic of sex abuse http://itsmycrisisandillcryifineedto.blogspot.com/2009/07/protection-and-healing-from-sexual.html


I truly believe that all of us must do what we can to protect children and everyone from sexual predators. Promote stronger laws, be vigilant, and report your suspicions to legal authorities. 


I pray for your ever-improving recovery daily. You just might find helpful information to help that recovery along, in EMPOWER Yourself to Cope with a Medical Challenge.

Face Your Medical Problems with Dignity.
Face Your Future with Optimism.

Protection and Healing from Sexual Abuse, Negligence, Psychological Manipulation, Abuse of Any Sort

B'SD


24 Tamuz 5769

Readers, as a friend to others and as a coach, I'm privy to heartbreaking confidences and information from a large cross-section of society. Some of it is about sexual abuse. I ache to do what I can to help abuse victims to heal, and to prevent new victims.

I do what I can to coax victims

and anyone aware of abuse in any form

to tell legal authories immediately!

I'm not a therapist of any sort, not a famous personality. But I am tenacious. I do what I can when faced with any problem.

One of my friends is a grief counselor. He shared an eye-opening book with me, hoping I'd review it for my editors (remember, I'm a journalist too) and help the public at the same time. Entitled "Miss America by Day, Lessons Learned from Ultimate Betrayals and Unconditional Love" by Marilyn Van Derbur, it was published in 2004.

I read it from cover to cover and experienced a powerful desire to remind the world of this book's existence and the author's deep, healing wisdom.

I have spent literally months preparing the book review below. The manuscript addresses sexual abuse. It also addresses many other forms of insidious abuse (hard to identify or to stop and therefore more devastating).

"Miss America by Day" holds
excellent ideas about

how to heal from
the trauma of sexual abuse

and how to prevent sex abuse.

Those lessons pertain to sexual abuse AND to any form of negligence, psychological manipulation, abuse of the law, abuse of trust, on and on.

All of it harms

defenseless children and adults,

trapped by cunning predators.

The abusers are criminals. They might be babysitters, clergy, camp counselors or fellow campers, dormitory counselors or fellow residents, parents, relatives or neighbors.

Anyone at all.

All too often these victimizers enjoy a social status that places them above suspicion. They manipulate that status into predatory power. After all, why would anyone believe the victim's accusations about him or her/them?

Especially if the accuser is a child?

Here is my book review:

Title: Miss America by Day: Lessons Learned from Ultimate Betrayals and Unconditional Love
Author: Marilyn Van Derbur
Publisher: Oak Hill Ridge Press
Reviewer: Yocheved Golani

Sexual abuse of children and adults must be addressed. By you. Failing to help the defenseless victims is another betrayal. It empowers the abuser. As page 268 reveals, "Silence is the voice of complicity."

The Jewish world has been rocked by this travesty. The Catholic church makes global headlines as abusive clergy are identified by victims in the choir, schools, and other parts of Catholic society. Boy Scout groups, Buddhists, you name it. Camps. Dormitories. Relatives. No religion, school or relationship seems immune to sex abuse.

Religious and mental health organizations around the world have yet to succeed with their efforts to end the horror of potential, current and former sex abuse victims in every area of society. They need to stop the perpetrators.

Miss America by Day: Lessons Learned from Ultimate Betrayals and Unconditional Love offers insight into the scope of sexual abuse, showing how to stop it. The author is a former Miss America, one among several siblings molested for decades by their high-profile father. Marilyn Van Derbur's book gives a voice to victims too terrified or otherwise unable to cry for help.

The author brings you into her explosive life before and after she revealed to anyone how she'd suffered forced night-time sex with her father. Mom sat outside her toddler daughter's bedroom, dressed in a negligee and feathery slippers, as dad raped their child and her siblings over the years. Insisting to personal acquaintances and to world media that she had a "Perfect Marriage," Mom knew that all of her daughters were years-long victims of her negligence and Dad's rapes.

That charade ended when the author reached adulthood. She left home and providentially met a mentor who helped her to face her past. He enabled Marilyn to share the details with Larry, the man who demonstrably loved and wished to marry her. Larry's unconditional love, and that of his mother, helped Marilyn to heal her psyche. So did therapy and the admissions of Van Derbur's abused siblings. The lessons learned along the author's way to mental health are valuable for anyone who has suffered sex abuse.

Marilyn Van Derbur eventually became a motivational speaker helping sex abuse victims to cope with their memories of and reactions to sex abuse. The genius of her book is its clear presentation of facts about sexual abuse at every level of society and how to stop it. Chapter 30 asks "Do Children Lie?" The heartbreaking answer is: usually not about sex abuse. If that's what the child claims happened, it probably did. Documented statistics in Chapter 31, "Do They Ever Stop?" show that the overwhelming reality is NO, sexual abusers don't stop until they're physically prevented from harming people. Chapter 32 teaches that "The Good New is: Trauma Doesn’t Have to Last a Lifetime."

The author's prose jumps off the pages, the strong voice of an intelligent, articulate adult showing society at large how to end a millennia-old horror. Citing effective methods, she teaches us how to help the victims and how to prevent new ones.

Read it today. Miss America by Day: Lessons Learned from Ultimate Betrayals and Unconditional Love belongs in schools, homes and mental health libraries. Save lives. Share it with someone who might desperately need it.


Yocheved Golani is the author of highly acclaimed "It’s MY Crisis! And I’ll Cry if I Need To: A Life Book for Helping You to Dry Your Tears and Cope with a Medical Challenge" (Booklocker Publishing)