Empowering Yourself to Respond to Rude People

B'SD

3 Av, 5777

​

From time to time, I am asked questions along the lines of  "Has anyone ever said something rude or unsympathetic to you about having a brain tumor? Like you deserve it or make sarcastic, even insulting comments about your intelligence or personality due to having the brain tumor? Or even told you that you have no right to cry or be scared because GOD only gives us what we can handle?"

My answer?

"Yes, and I responded with what became the title of a book, It's MY Crisis, and I'll Cry if I Need to!"

Here's an excerpt about the insulting comment:

Human beings mint coins and they're all alike. But when the Creator mints people, each of us is unique even though we come from the same mold. Our different personalities, skills and longings necessitate different paths to achieving a state of calm after we've been startled or terrified. There are no "One size fits all" methods of calming down or gaining perspective. Yet we need to reach the state of composed thought and behavior in order to live as productively and as happily as possible under challenging circumstances. Sound reasoning enables us to choose the coping mechanisms that work for us.

Challenging? Oh yes. But the alternative to coping is worse. Life's not democratic or fair. It's a workout. Make your choice: Coping aka self-restraint or the continuing, possibly worsening problem before you.

After I revealed my diagnosis to friends and family, we cried together. Then we progressed to choosing coping skills and keeping me strong so I could have a chance to continue living. My choice to focus on sound psychological principles complemented my Orthodox Jewish religious convictions. Many of those sound psychological principles, as well as classical Jewish philosophy and laws are presented in this text. A blend of both appears in the next paragraph.

One of the worst reactions people had to my news was saying with a sense of fatalism and religious superiority over me, "You shouldn't cry. GOD only gives people the challenges they can face." I disagree. Many a good person has experienced a psychological or medical problem, and suffered terribly or not survived it. Some medical and emotional challenges destroy no matter how valiantly we fight to survive them. Other crises can be survived. It isn't fair to lump them all in one "You can do it!" category. It blames the patient, who is suffering already. No one on this planet is authorized to pass judgment on another person's trials and tribulations. That's GOD's job.

Are you afraid that religious people or even not so religious people will blame you for your very legitimate tears and fears, because GOD knows what He's doing? Are they doing it already? These types of pithy remarks get high scores for being truthful and meaningful. But they get big fat ZEROES for actually helping someone to conquer their misery. It's as useless as telling someone dripping blood or holding onto broken limbs in an emergency room that "I FEEL YOUR PAIN." It's no help at all.

A medical diagnosis that presents a crisis is something to legitimately cry about. It is a lack of stability and a lack of reliable givens that we need so much. One of the Gates of Prayer that remains open despite the lack of a Beit HaMikdash (ancient Jewish Temple) is the Gate of Tears. Crying is a form of prayer. It says, "I'm scared, I'm sad, I'm angry, I don't know what to do about my problem. I need your help HaShem (GOD)," and more.

We learn from the Talmud in Bava Metzia 59a "Even though the Gates of Prayer are closed (after the destruction of the grand Jewish Temple called Bait HaMikdash), the Gates of Tears are never closed."

The catharsis of getting my story on paper was a soothing experience. I wrote the book to shut up my misinformed critics as much as I wrote it to empower other people facing medical and/or mental health issues. You can buy the book directly from the publisher for fast delivery. Click here to do so. 

Be sure to read the E-book or print edition of EMPOWER Yourself to Cope with a Medical Challenge. It clues you in on how to respond to rude relatives, medical personnel and anyone else who decides to mind your business without just cause.





Face Your Medical Problems with Dignity. Face Your Future with Optimism.

Fill your mouth with polite, self-supporting comments.

Sweetening a New Year with Self Respect

B'SD

20 Elul, 5775

I've been busy tending other people's needs (I'm cooking my wholesome menu for other people so they can heal as I do) and lacked time to update the blog. But with Rosh HaShana, Jewish New Year coming soon, I've focused on time to post today's message.

I hope that you'll benefit from these 7 Tips for a Happier Year. 

But what about the goals/resolutions people tend to make at New Year's time?

I prefer to avoid making resolutions. I'm old enough to know that people tend not to keep the promises they make to themselves. 

Let's look at self-improvement a bit differently this year.

One reading of the

book 

lets you know of my preference for

self forgiveness and self respect.

I'd like to share some related thoughts with you: Goal-setting tends to scare the goal-setter. You come up with excuses about why this or that didn't "work out," knowing all the while that it was YOU who didn't do necessary work. "It" had nothing to do with the failure.

Your failing, perhaps, was to decide that you're not good enough, or that life's not good enough, until your goal - or someone else's - is met. That's a brutal approach to life. Enthusiasm dies when tiny parts of the goal are reached, or not. There's more to you than that.

Instead of pinning your hopes  - and self-worth - on a goal, focus instead on processes that work for you. 

EMPOWER Yourself to Cope with a Medical Challenge is full of options you can take. You know of others. Use them to your advantage. 

Keep plugging away with methods and mindsets that help you to feel and to function better than if you did not think and behave that way.

Appreciate the things going right in your life, too. Some of them can be BIG surprises.

Pay attention when people compliment you. Focus on the goodness within you. 

And appreciate yourself for doing things so right that other people appreciate you, too!

Buy the E-book or print edition of EMPOWER Yourself to Cope with a Medical Challenge. 





Face Your Medical Problems with Dignity. Face Your Future with Optimism.

Fill your heart, mind and soul with self appreciation.

Boosting Self Esteem - Quick Get the Kids!

B'SD

14 Sivan, 5773

I want to share this lovely video with you. Replay it on days when your self-esteem seems to be in short supply.


A medical, emotional or other crisis - you'd cry too, if it happened to you. Use your tissues and handkerchiefs with my blessings borne of experience. GOD gives you Permission to Weep. And you can say that to any critics after explaining that "It's MY Crisis! And I'll Cry if I Need To."

Stand By for Updates!

B'SD


11 Iyar 5772


Israel has been wracked with recent hack attacks on Internet servers, disrupting my ability to update this blog. I lose connectivity mid-post.


I'm waiting for others to correct the problems so I can spend adequate time updating this blog and you about helpful information for ill and disabled people.


Stand by for updates. I'm confident that all will be well after the weekend.


Meanwhile, here's one of my older online articles: Appreciating Health Care from Both Sides of the Bedrail. 


Ready to help yourself to feel and manage better in your healthcare efforts - even lower the costs? Read EMPOWER Yourself to Cope with a Medical Challenge. 





Face Your Medical Problems with Dignity.
Face Your Future with Optimism.

Why Life is a Work in Progress - and What You Can Do About That

B'SD


17 Nisan 5772


You just learned that you might have a medical problem. Your life might even be on the line. Or maybe you're facing some other issue that feels like the wrecking ball of your life. There are times I comfort someone deeply unhappy with the way their life is going: abusive relatives or acquaintances (they're definitely NOT friends!), choices that backfired, scary news of some sort. 

Heartache, physical pain, emotional upheaval, mental or physical workouts and expenses of different kinds can be part of the picture. They sap energy and sometimes hope. That's normal.
Are you condemning yourself for pulling back, for withdrawing from some activities and situations? Are you loading up on feel-good calories that will bloat you? Have you done something else you hate to realize? 

The good news is that you're aware of better choices you can make. 

Let's look at some of your options.

"The road to success is almost always under construction," I comment to troubled people. "Sometimes you just need time and rest to recover from the strain of it all. Then you can pick up where you left off. You might even have thought through some innovative ideas to help you along while you recovered from a sense of shock and sadness."

The nifty thing about that recovery period is that it lets you charge up your emotional and physical batteries. Ready to be exceptional, to rise above the turmoil? How about just coping with the adversity in a way that restores your self-respect? Okay, here are three terrific tips for doing just that:

1. Make a list of your inner 

negative beliefs on 

the left side of some paper

2. List your survival instincts 

in the middle column, 

pairing them with

problems you're facing

3. On the right margin, 

briefly state the positive 

and negative thoughts 

or reactions you have 

to specific problems

Discuss all that with someone who totally respects you and can provide you with insight for how to have a better future. Face your unfolding future with empowering statements of "I will..." such as "I will control my eating behaviors," "I will plan a realistic budget," "I will find out how to behave in better ways with X, Y or Z problems."

You can start crossing off the negativity notes as you make progress with your unfolding future. You're realizing your better self, now.

If you want more ideas about how to put some order in your life, read the organization tips in 

Your life is making progress. Treat yourself well for the hard work and focus  you've invested in the effort.


Enjoy the process and let me know what improves in your life! You can contact me via giveretgolani @ gmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you.




Buy the E-book or print edition of EMPOWER Yourself to Cope with a Medical Challenge for more self-help ideas.

Face Your Medical Problems with Dignity.
Face Your Future with Optimism.

How to Age with Dignity

B'SD

3 Tevet 5771


A Facebook friend's message this morning shook me to the core: "heading towards the big 37 and counting as many wrinkles. does vanity increase with age?!!"

My Giveret Golani Self-Help Coaching services and the EMPOWER Yourself E-book teach the increasing value of your worth over time. You learn from experiences, you are able to be more compassionate because of your insights, you become more capable at dealing with stress due to past practice and your ever-increasing ability to sort trivia from serious issues.

Look yourself in a mirror.

The lines around your eyes, mouth and on your forehead are marks of pride. They are the story of your efforts, sacrifices, kindnesses, of smiling through hard times and maintaining or recovering your dignity during hardship. Facial lines reflect your "Transcendence Over My Limitations" better self.

Go on with life. Get out there as best you can and Can Become. EMPOWER Yourself to Cope with a Medical Challenge.

Face Your Medical Problems with Dignity.
Face Your Future with Optimism.

6 Reasons Why Suffering is Normal

B'SD

28 Nisan 5770

explains that suffering is part of every life. It's packed with coping strategies, laugh-out-loud humor and information on how to get free or low-cost quality medical necessities.

But sometimes you need to see things from someone else's perspective.

Read Six Reasons Why Suffering Is Normal.

I hope you feel better, now.

EMPOWER Yourself to Cope with a Medical Challenge.

Coping with a Medical Crisis?
Make the Changes You Need in Your Life

How to Become an Effective Coping Team In and Out of the Hospital

B'SD

1 Tamuz 5769

One item I wanted to mention on the air yesterday but couldn't due to time constraints is this: Families, friends and the sick person him or herself can become a very effective coping team.

Facing a frightening medical diagnosis and all the complications that go with it, is a road that you and your loved ones, friends and hospital acquaintances will explore and a situation you'll tame with time and patience.

Check out all your (or the person who is a patient) reactions to medications, procedures and information with the medical team, asking every question you can think of and then some.

Allow yourself and everyone else to discover potential inner strengths and to act on them.

One of the things common to anyone who suffers in any way is this: we never imagine being able to cope with or to overcome the problem. Then we accidentally discover our hidden strengths or decide to create some. After all is said and done, we look back and wonder "Wow? Who knew that he/we/she/I could be that strong?"

Take everything one step at a time. Delegate authority to relatives and friends who want to help out. Recharge your physical and emotional batteries.

Pray. Pray some more.


What will life be like when this is over? New, uncharted territory in which you'll know so much more about why you're a person worth admiring and why special people in your life are such heroes. Hang in there. I've done it. You can, too.


Click on I'm Going to COPE with this Medical Crisis. I'm Buying "It's MY Crisis! And I'll Cry if I Need To: A Life Book that Helps You to Dry Your Tears and to Cope with a Medical Challenge" to Improve My Health or Someone Else's.



To your good health,

Yojeved Golani
Coping with a Medical Crisis?
Make the Changes You Need in Your Life

Lift Your Spirits and Your Self Esteem!

11 Tevet 5768

One of the people who praised my book on the back cover is a world-famous psychiatrist. He's an addiction specialist and a HAPPINESS SPECIALIST.

Please listen to this broadcast and find out how to lift your mood, spirits and outlook on life whether or not you believe in GOD:

Rabbi Dr. Avraham Twerski: Low Self-esteem Shatters Happiness

Live your life to the fullest.

Be kind to yourself and to others.

Buy Happiness and the Human Spirit, What Spirituality is Really All About.

And buy It's MY Crisis! And I'll Cry if I Need to: A Life Book that that Helps You to Try Your Tears and Cope with a Medical Challenge.

Both books can vastly improve your mood.

***

What’s the Problem You Need to Solve?

Yesterday’s post struck a chord with people all over the world. Health Writer and blogger Star Lawrence in Arizona, USA loved it. Now she’s referring her readers to my part of the blogosphere.

A few men stopped me on the street to remark that their wives were amused by that pasta fork back-scratcher idea. We agreed that none of us knew where to buy back-scratchers, so this was an affordable, easy solution.

What sort of medical problem do you need to solve? Let me know so I can check out my human resources department (medical professionals I’ve known on collegial terms for several years). I just might let you know what I learn about your coping with a medical crisis concern in future posts.

***


I’ve received positive feedback about the bright white text I’ve been using. So I’ll keep it going for you.

***

Buy It's My Crisis! And I'll Cry if I Need To. Learn how to cope with the world and emotions of illness.

The Xmas and Kwanzaa shopping seasons are in high gear! Spread the warmth of the holidays far into the future when you give someone a copy of It's MY Crisis! And I’ll Cry if I Need To http://www.booklocker.com/books/3067.html

Order it in book stores anywhere if it’s not on the shelves. It's MY Crisis! And I’ll Cry if I Need To can be shipped worldwide. Specialty editions are available for large organizations.

Booksellers save on large orders of It's MY Crisis!
https://secure.booklocker.com:443/booklocker/wholesale/order.php

The votes are in and still arriving: Almost 400 votes of praise for my book in about three weeks! On December 2, 2007 the Musella Foundation for Brain Tumor Research declared It’s MY Crisis to be “Recommended Reading,” then added it to other recommended titles on the Musella website. Readers can vote there once daily for their favorite book. Once you’ve read It’s MY Crisis! And I’ll Cry if I Need To you can vote for it at http://www.virtualtrials.com/books.cfm (I hope you choose a 9 or a 10).

To your good health,

Yojeved Golani
Coping with a Medical Crisis?
Make the Changes You Need in Your Life